A Nice Guy With Swagger

I went through a bad boy phase in high school. I’m not talking about boys who skipped math class either. I’m talking about gang bangers, street pharmacists and a couple dudes who were a tad too old to be dealing with me. My attraction to them was probably mostly due to the whole opposites thing. I was an ardent good girl. I had good grades, rarely broke curfew and I was pure as the driven snow. The bad boy phase didn’t last too long and there were regular boys sprinkled in there too, so I got my head straight relatively quickly with no long term consequences on my end.

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Besides the notion that opposites attract, the thing that those guys had was one of the few things you can not teach: swagger. Not Soulja Boy swagger, but Teddy Pendergrass swagger when he said “Turn ‘em off!” in that one old school jam or Stinger Bell swagger in pretty much every one of his scenes in The Wire. Mmmhmm. There is something very appealing about a man whose actions seem to reflect his intentions/desires. In my opinion, confidence is right up there with smile as far as the sexiest thing about a man.

On the opposite end of things, I’ve dated and been strictly friends with a few stereotypical “nice guys.” You know, the guys who look great on paper, but for whatever reason, can’t get into a long-term relationship. They are educated, have nice homes, professional, not ugly, no kids, come from a great family, respectful, blah, blah, blah. No dice. What gives?

Some people like to turn to the adage that nice guys finish last or they like to say that women (especially black women) want the thug/bad boy type even into adulthood. Whatever man. I think there are nice guys on the market for the same reason that there are nice girls on the market. It just ain’t happened for them yet! Why is it that when a “nice” guy is single, it’s the woman’s fault and when a “nice” girl is single, it’s still the woman’s fault?

Do nice guys actually finish last? Is “nice guy” another way of saying “weak?” Have you ever dated a nice guy with swagger? Oh and for the record, my bad boys were all very nice and attentive to me. They just had very interesting (albeit illegal) occupations and interests, so I don’t think being nice and having swagger are mutually exclusive though we tend to treat those traits as such.

{ 6 comments… add one }

  • Cherish May 1, 2009, 11:11 am

    Yes ma’am! I like em GOOD with a bad boy SWAGGER…. Like my high profile MBA grad who is running his industry and all over the executive ladder, treats my like the queen of his life and can command attention in any room… but yet he pledged Que in college and still has it in his blood to do stuff like rip off his tux when “that song” comes on no matter where we are and bare all them brands and scuff up the floor… I act like I get aggravated and embarrassed… but deep down I love it and wouldn’t change a thing! LOL… I need both sides of the coin!

  • Love Is Dope May 3, 2009, 10:55 am

    LMAO at rippin off the tux! Anybody who’s been to a college party where a Que party hop was involved is familiar with “that song.” lol

  • kat May 6, 2009, 2:24 pm

    i don’t think the bad boy thing is tied to race in any way. plenty of idiotic white women i know waste their time on bad boys/rock stars/street pharma (and suits at big pharma for that matter). i think it’s just the excitement thing. but i think the swagger idea can also come from just knowing what you want and going for it. so many “nice” guys are kind of wishy-washy nightmares that sit around for you to make the first move… snooze.
    what attracted me most to my FH was his sort of self confidence (i guess “swagger” but the idea of that term on him is HILARIOUS to me) and self assurance. but he’s a super nice, sweet guy- not a bad boy in any way. well, i mean maybe…he does write music software so perhaps… nah…

  • callum May 19, 2009, 6:20 pm

    hey there ladies im from england and many women say that im a nice guy i listen to women and like having their company im also a keen poet as well. but … every woman i meet say they want a nice guy but in the end go for a twat in all fairness and no matter what i say to these women which are my friends nothing seems to sink into their heads they make the same so called mistake again and again by going out with nasty guys where there maybe 5 nice guys which are like me just to shy unfortunately to puck up the courage and ask her out. its like i would love to just go and ask a girl out yet i cant im to shy and to afraid of being let down again i put all my effort into making a relationship work and yet im always let down and i admit also im not a fighter im a lover when did women become so mean so to speak?

    by the way if ur looking for a nice guy there’s plenty here maybe its just british women or something maybe i have to go further out to find a nice woman thats something im going to have to find out unless u know what i should do ??

    thanks for reading

  • Love Is Dope May 20, 2009, 3:35 pm

    Hi Callum! I’m no relationship expert or anything. I just share my experiences and observations. But since you asked for my two cents, I’ll give it to you. :)

    Shyness can be endearing, but there is definitely a point where shyness is not the least bit charming. Women in England are not the only ones who go for the “bad boys,” but nice guys like yourself around the world do have to step up and put yourselves out there. I think most women would assume that you are not interested if you don’t ask them out on a date. Most women expect a man to make the first move. Maybe you could change up your hang out spots and try to meet different types of women. Go to more house parties, keep your eyes peeled when you’re at your favorite museum, etc..

    Continue to be the nice that you are, but let the ladies know you’re on the market! ;) It can be scary and intimidating to put yourself out there, but there’s no other way to find true love, but to allow yourself to be vulnerable at times. One day, you will run into a woman who truly appreciates that and you’ll be on your way to your very own happily ever after. :)

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