As a twenty-nine year old happily attached woman living in NYC, I often feel like an outsider amongst my fellow single sisters. Listening to their tales of dates from hell, shortage of good men and fears of being single and childless forever, I can’t help but to feel bad that I’m the only one who can’t relate to their pain. Being in a long-term relationship for the past several years has made me the relationship ambassador every time the topic comes up. Since it’s natural for them to want what they don’t have and assume the grass is greener on the other side. I understand why they assume life in the commitment lane is glitter and gold.
Rightfully so, being in a long-term relationship is fulfilling and rewarding beyond explanation. Being able to share life’s journey with someone special is a joy to experience. It’s just unfortunate that there aren’t as many success stories shared as there are disappointments and failures. Yet having a meaningful relationship is much more than having a permanent valentine, birthday and New Year’s Eve date. It’s about not always being “in-love” with him but always liking and respecting him; it’s about accepting his strengths and weakness without judgment; it’s about being woman enough to let him be a man even when you can make it alone; it’s about checking your baggage at the door and not charging him a carry-on fee; it’s about being a friend and a lover; it’s about being flexible and open to change; it’s about compromise and consideration; it’s about constant communication; it’s about responsibility for yourself and your actions; it’s about patience and it’s about learning and growing.
I often wonder if single women consider these factors as they envy mine and others committed status. And if so, are they truly willing to relieve their singleness for double occupancy? Although I wouldn’t trade my life and relationship status for anything in the world, I must further confess that being single is not all that bad. Enjoy and appreciate it while it lasts.
Yours truly,
A Committed Diva
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Hi Rashana,
I love your article. You’re absolutely correct in terms of not always about being “in- love”, but respecting each other thoughts and soul. Once the courtship and relationship begins the respect is there, but after a while it dissipate. Due to the fact the trust factor has totally gone out of the window. I have been two meaningful relationships of which, I have produce two beautiful children to the women that I once loved. We have lost the communication, happiness, compromise and trust for reason we have created. I have learned over the years that communication, understanding, and to value each other is the key to remaining and keeping the relationship intact; the key to hold on and trust the relationship with communication and open sensitive heart again without judging.
I myself have been on to many dates and found women whom had a hard time trusting men, and their background, due to their past relationship; which I call the “caution factor”. Yes, we are all caution and we find ourselves within the caution factor. We have a “set criterion” for ourselves and hopefully a prince/princess will be at the door. This is living in the non-reality world, because our criterion is over weighted by our emotions and cautions. So therefore, when I am on a date; I find myself defending my past relationships. After the date I find myself frustrated and disorientated not wanting to pursue a courtship or even date again.
Regards,
Devone Henry
I married my high school sweetheart while we were in college 10 years ago. I was 21 and he was 20. Though we agree we would not change a thing, we also agree that we married a little too young. It’s has worked out for the best, but I don’t believe at that time that we were full-grown adults mentally.
Rashana,
This article is so on point! I can totally understand your feeling like an outside; for a long time I felt that way as well. I too felt like the relationship ambassador, but lately I’ve been getting the feeling that my girls don’t think I can comment or have a valid opinion on anything relating to dating, other than being in a relationship, because I’ve been “out of the game” for so long. Do you get that as well?
This is a view of life I needed to read. I’m a single woman who is tired of the dating world who has a friend/roomate who is taken. We are in two different worlds she is in love and I am single…So I appreciate the post.
Wonderful post! I am married and I can so relate to your point of view—on point!
Thank you all for leaving comments! I soooo appreciate your feedback. I apologize for responding so late. I promise I will do better with getting back to you promptly!
Devone - I know it gets fustrating but please don’t give up. Take your time and practice the qualities of trust, honesty and communication. It works..
Jeniece - Yes I get the “you have a man..so shut up” comments all the time. I just brush it off and remind them that I was single once and did something right to land this great man so take heed to what I have to say - lol